I’m glad everyone is here now so I can discuss my ailments, too.
EHS. Yes, me, too -- and not pleasant and not funny. LOUD gunshot. It sent me racing for WebMD. I’ve only had it A few other times, but I remember thinking if this starts to happen a lot it’s going to be a life-changing issue. All this post is going to do is have me up at, say, 3:19 in the morning worried I’m living next to a firing range, e.g., this post. I’d totally stopped thinking about it until you started running around in the street waving your handgun.
Related Health issue #2. Very brief. Tinnitus. I have it too. [Editor’s note: we were able to cut this paragraph significantly.]
Related Health Issue #4. Starting while falling asleep. During a time of extreme professional stress, I started to startle as I was falling asleep at the SLIGHTEST noise. I’ll get to how slight momentarily. But, first imagine Scrooge being awoken/awakened/awokened (it’s now 3:27)... Scrooge being the previous word by the Ghost of Christmas Past. I wave my arms in the air as I startle. I make a whelping sound that defies both direct language and metaphor. Then I either shoot up in the bed or lie there victimized like one of those patients in the same room as you at the hospital who never speaks and you know they are a short timer. Where was I going with that? Hmmm. 3:31 AM
Yes! The wife and children! The wife and children walk around me and make the SLIGHTEST noise and I startle. I mean someone sets a kettle down in the next county, and I fly I to the air.
Oh! And then I yell at them for making a sound while I’m in the liminal transition [Editor: I give up] This can get REALLY BAD. And it feeds on itself. The more you startle, the more you tense up, the more you startle. I’ve yelled at the Ghost of Xmas Past. [Editor: it is the Ghost of Xmas 🎄 Future that you don’t want to be yelling at.]
This has been heavily edited for clarity.
Earlier today I read that no post should be longer than 1000 words. As this is wildly unachievable for me, but a legitimate criticism of my 5500-7500 word posts, I have decided to keep my Comments under the 1000 word count threshold.
But... any response to this by anyone including the 👻 of Past and Future will reset my word clock to 0. It is 3:45 in the morning and I would like to discuss toenail wrinkling. If someone will even ask something as simple as “what is toenail wrinkling it will reset the shot clock.
It is 3:46AM in Brooklyn New York, and I can wait all night.
Finally, my children do impressions of me startling and then they get my wife involved and this can go on for a long time, somewhat like this
I once confessed to you that I would take out a hit on anyone who left a 2500 word comment on any of my posts, but for you I will make an exception... ;) In fact, call your editor, wake up Tippi, let's brew some coffee and really get this going.
This just reset my word clock. Yay! Please let him know that I feel for him with that ailment and you running around waving your handgun. Although we might be straying into a totally different humor department here.
Absolutely genius writing, Troy. Truly. Sorry about the old exploding head! I need to watch Kingsmen, that visual looks amazing. I wonder if that’s what my aural hallucinations were...I hope you’ve not been on any fad diets of late ;)
Speaking of hallucinations, there’s a magic mushroom called Penis Envy...
I relate a lot to young-Troy, feeling the external things on the inside. Bless your red mark of solidarity 🩸
Hoping your EHS subsides soon (post-holidays, of course)
Thank you my dear, it was a fun write. But seriously, our two conditions might have a correlation, if from different angles: I read that it's caused by fluctuations in serotonin levels, which would be relevant both to your "fad diet" (thank goddess you're alive!) and my particular medication fiasco. Anyway, here we are, alive and popping! 🤣🎈🎉xo
Oh, I dare say that’s exactly what that was then! Wow, thank you, love. It actually feels like a bit of a relief to have a name to attach to it, even though it was yonks ago I still have a fear of it happening again. At least I’d know what to tell a doctor, now!
And, very true, there but for the grace of god and all that. My sincere wishes for your medication fiasco to be resolved as soon as possible. I hope you’ve got all sorts of loveliness going on, to balance out the jarring-ness 💜
Exploding head syndrome does not sound fun! I hope it clears up for you quickly, Troy. But hopefully not before the holidays - as you said... if you were being serious... which I couldn’t exactly the tell 😅😂
What the heck is a periode. Is it period 2.0? I don't want that. That syndrome sounds wild. I hope you keep feeling better my friend. Vertigo sounds awful. I don't have exploding noises in my head, but I have white noise in my ears, it's been years. With all the other stuff, I didn't even notice and thought it was normal? lol
Sorry Nadia, I didn't mean any disrespect at lolling, my brain initially went to meaning that it was an upgraded version of the full stop, which to my silly word-loving brain tickled me quite so. But then I realised what you actually meant 🤦♂️
Oh I have tinnitus too, not to worry... I think in modern times, if you have ever been to a concert, or listened to music through headphones, you have it. xo
Ha, you made me laugh... sorry, not at your head problems, having an orchestra in your head must be extremely disturbing. The lady plumbing got me giggling. It is a baffling thing after all.
I can totally see you marking your finger with a tiny red periode in solidarity with your mom! HAHA! BTW: nobody believes the Uncle Bonsai girls slept in seperate bunks.
Periode 3.0 - otherwise known as menopause - isn’t too bad. Especially if you like hot flashes, adrenaline surges, bad skin and hair loss.
That sounds a lot like a braise of acute anxiety with bipolar spectrum foam... Delish.
I’m glad everyone is here now so I can discuss my ailments, too.
EHS. Yes, me, too -- and not pleasant and not funny. LOUD gunshot. It sent me racing for WebMD. I’ve only had it A few other times, but I remember thinking if this starts to happen a lot it’s going to be a life-changing issue. All this post is going to do is have me up at, say, 3:19 in the morning worried I’m living next to a firing range, e.g., this post. I’d totally stopped thinking about it until you started running around in the street waving your handgun.
Related Health issue #2. Very brief. Tinnitus. I have it too. [Editor’s note: we were able to cut this paragraph significantly.]
Related Health Issue #4. Starting while falling asleep. During a time of extreme professional stress, I started to startle as I was falling asleep at the SLIGHTEST noise. I’ll get to how slight momentarily. But, first imagine Scrooge being awoken/awakened/awokened (it’s now 3:27)... Scrooge being the previous word by the Ghost of Christmas Past. I wave my arms in the air as I startle. I make a whelping sound that defies both direct language and metaphor. Then I either shoot up in the bed or lie there victimized like one of those patients in the same room as you at the hospital who never speaks and you know they are a short timer. Where was I going with that? Hmmm. 3:31 AM
Yes! The wife and children! The wife and children walk around me and make the SLIGHTEST noise and I startle. I mean someone sets a kettle down in the next county, and I fly I to the air.
Oh! And then I yell at them for making a sound while I’m in the liminal transition [Editor: I give up] This can get REALLY BAD. And it feeds on itself. The more you startle, the more you tense up, the more you startle. I’ve yelled at the Ghost of Xmas Past. [Editor: it is the Ghost of Xmas 🎄 Future that you don’t want to be yelling at.]
This has been heavily edited for clarity.
Earlier today I read that no post should be longer than 1000 words. As this is wildly unachievable for me, but a legitimate criticism of my 5500-7500 word posts, I have decided to keep my Comments under the 1000 word count threshold.
But... any response to this by anyone including the 👻 of Past and Future will reset my word clock to 0. It is 3:45 in the morning and I would like to discuss toenail wrinkling. If someone will even ask something as simple as “what is toenail wrinkling it will reset the shot clock.
It is 3:46AM in Brooklyn New York, and I can wait all night.
Finally, my children do impressions of me startling and then they get my wife involved and this can go on for a long time, somewhat like this
I once confessed to you that I would take out a hit on anyone who left a 2500 word comment on any of my posts, but for you I will make an exception... ;) In fact, call your editor, wake up Tippi, let's brew some coffee and really get this going.
I just read the Substack rule book and apparently I can add a paywall to my comments now!
******* PAYWALL *********
It’s not very sophisticated yet. I’m not sure if it actually works. Please lmk if you can read this.
That's not how that works, that's not how any of this works 🤣
Have we driven everyone off yet?
And stopping… have a great day. I really need to leave your audience alone. This has a whiff of 3:00AM Jerry MacGuire
You’re both completely out of control, and I love it.
I thought surely either the guns or the bees would have done the trick
Tippi is waiting in the wings (“Daybreak in Daytona”).
I do not need coffee right now.
You’re probably getting that.
My husband does the "who? what? who's there?!" thing when I startle him awake, it's both ridiculous and charming.
This just reset my word clock. Yay! Please let him know that I feel for him with that ailment and you running around waving your handgun. Although we might be straying into a totally different humor department here.
4:16.
Dear oh dear, waving around my handgun in the bedroom - and now for an excerpt from my novel.... 🤣🔫
😝
God bless your editor.
Just to be clear: the gun is bolted to my hand, I was just trying to shoo away a bee.
😂
Collating, collating, collating... To buy some time: "What is toenail wrinkling?"
😂 😆 😝
I can’t wait till Substack enables jpegs in comments.
Absolutely genius writing, Troy. Truly. Sorry about the old exploding head! I need to watch Kingsmen, that visual looks amazing. I wonder if that’s what my aural hallucinations were...I hope you’ve not been on any fad diets of late ;)
Speaking of hallucinations, there’s a magic mushroom called Penis Envy...
I relate a lot to young-Troy, feeling the external things on the inside. Bless your red mark of solidarity 🩸
Hoping your EHS subsides soon (post-holidays, of course)
Thank you my dear, it was a fun write. But seriously, our two conditions might have a correlation, if from different angles: I read that it's caused by fluctuations in serotonin levels, which would be relevant both to your "fad diet" (thank goddess you're alive!) and my particular medication fiasco. Anyway, here we are, alive and popping! 🤣🎈🎉xo
Oh, I dare say that’s exactly what that was then! Wow, thank you, love. It actually feels like a bit of a relief to have a name to attach to it, even though it was yonks ago I still have a fear of it happening again. At least I’d know what to tell a doctor, now!
And, very true, there but for the grace of god and all that. My sincere wishes for your medication fiasco to be resolved as soon as possible. I hope you’ve got all sorts of loveliness going on, to balance out the jarring-ness 💜
Not to worry, we Fords roll with the punches... Like I said, not dangerous, all good fun 😜 Did you see the Note I tagged you on? 🍵
?
This was for Nathan/Slake
!
Oh, but ... I just ... are you ... how do you? ... did you? ... this is ... 😆🤣😂😂
^my rollercoaster reading this equal-parts-hilarious-and-concerning post, Troy.
EHS sounds like something interesting to experience if one could just turn it on for a few minutes and then off again.
Exploding head syndrome does not sound fun! I hope it clears up for you quickly, Troy. But hopefully not before the holidays - as you said... if you were being serious... which I couldn’t exactly the tell 😅😂
Also couldn't tell, but I grinned and then questioned whether I should be grinning or not 🤣
That’s one thing I like about Troy - he always keeps us guessing :)
It does solve the alarm clock problem ;) I live in a perpetual state of semi-startlement, it's the least of my worries 🤣
Hahaha well at least it solves one problem ;)
I hope it clears up soon Troy.
What the heck is a periode. Is it period 2.0? I don't want that. That syndrome sounds wild. I hope you keep feeling better my friend. Vertigo sounds awful. I don't have exploding noises in my head, but I have white noise in my ears, it's been years. With all the other stuff, I didn't even notice and thought it was normal? lol
Many lols at "is it period 2.0".
LOL. Periode 1.0 is already hell. I don't want to know how Periode 2.0 compares.
Sorry Nadia, I didn't mean any disrespect at lolling, my brain initially went to meaning that it was an upgraded version of the full stop, which to my silly word-loving brain tickled me quite so. But then I realised what you actually meant 🤦♂️
Please don't apologize. I'm just joshing around over here lol. I take any moment to joke about periods and periodes, whatever the latter is hahaha.
😆
I joke about illnesses and death every day. I know, so morbid. LOL
Oh I have tinnitus too, not to worry... I think in modern times, if you have ever been to a concert, or listened to music through headphones, you have it. xo
Jeeez. That is cray lol. We're all a bunch of white noise TVs, huh.
"ocean sounds, by nadia" 😘
welcome to the craytrix? 😜
Hahahah. Craytrix are for craykids!
"Exploding kittens, by Mr. Troy Ford, get that in your ears near you."
Ha, you made me laugh... sorry, not at your head problems, having an orchestra in your head must be extremely disturbing. The lady plumbing got me giggling. It is a baffling thing after all.
haha no worries, exploding heads are par for the course around here... luckily for ladies' plumbing, scooby doo is on the case...
I can totally see you marking your finger with a tiny red periode in solidarity with your mom! HAHA! BTW: nobody believes the Uncle Bonsai girls slept in seperate bunks.
Another brillian stack Troy 👌
I still do it, once a month... 🤪❤️🩸
😂
They're super cute, and great harmonies. :)